Die to Death; Live to Life

Agustine says:
"I hesitated to die to death and to live to life..." (Book 8 Chapter 11)

I think this is the idea of concupiscence. He thought that something else on earth would satisfy him, so he hesitated giving himself over to God because I think he believed that soemthing else would be more fulfilling. When he finally was converted he basked in God. He was ultimately fulfilled by God. He no longer needed the fame and honor that he believed that his carreer would give him. He no longer needed it.

There have been many times in my own life that I have believed that other things aside from God would fulfill me. Things like having a boyfriend or sometimes going to school to get a carreer. None of those things matter in the light of eternity. When I think that in a few years or even a few weeks I could die, what will my life amount to, it makes me think of what is really impotant. Living in the way that God wants me to live is the most important, not how I do my hair, or how well I cook or sew, or how many friends I have. It is a thing easily forgotten by me. Sometimes life just passes by and after a while I think to myself "Will those days have any eternal value?" Most of the time no. Sad thing to think.

Everyday is another day to die to death and live to life.

God Is Not Defined

Throughout reading Professor Chris Anderson's book and even in class while discussing Augustine's, I have been confused. We, as a class, have talked about how God is undefinable and no one can say that certain facts proved that God is or did such and such. I am just confused.

Quoting from my professor's book:
[He is quoting from Augustine] "'O highest and best, most powerful, most merciful and most just, most deeply hidden and most nearly present, most beautiful and most strong, constant yet incomprehensible. . . . My God, my Life, my holy sweetness, what does any man succeed in saying when he attempts to speak of you?' (19; 1.4)
The answer: nothing. No one can succeed in saying anything sufficient or definitive about God. Yet it’s just this greatness that calls forth our creativity and our imagery and all our language. In the face of such beauty we must abandon propriety and abandon logic and let our hearts swell with what we long for and what we believe.” (110-Teaching as Believing)

It seems to me that logic is what teaches us what truth is, not our feelings or our experience or our senses. Those things can lie. Perceptions are not necessarily true.
I don’t understand how we can know any of God’s qualities then. How can we say He is all-powerful, or just. I guess I just do not understand how we can say can is anything unless we have observed it.

I agree with what Augustine says when he says, “I wanted to be just as certain about things which I could not see as I was certain that seven and three make ten.”(Book 6 Chapter 4)

In my professor’s book he quotes Friedich von Hugel, he says, “’Never try to get things too clear. Religion can’t be clear. In this mixed up life there is always an element of unclearness. How can it be otherwise if Christianity is our idea? If I could understand religion as I understand that two and two make four, it would not be worth having. To me, if I can see things through and through, I get uneasy – I feel it’s a fake. I know I have left something out, I’ve made some mistake. (123- Teaching as Believing)

Maybe I am misunderstanding what Augustine is saying, but I think the two are saying the exact opposite thing. Ambrose was preaching that the Bible did not need to be taken literally, but Augustine did not know if this was true or not. He wanted to know what truth was no matter if it was unseen or seen. He did not want to jump to any conclusions about what truth was until he studied it out further.

I don’t think that we need to disbelieve or distrust what we see just because we can see it. God gave us those sensibilities for a purpose, plus he gave us reason , judgment, and logic. I don’t think we should disregard these. They were God given.

Parental Relationships

My professor wants a little more autobiography and so I will give a little history of my life in this blog.

I am moved by a particular bit of St. Augustine's Confessions, which I read the other day. Augustine talks about his mother and his father. He says that his mother was a Christian, but his father was not. She tried to persuade him to the Christian faith by her "beauty of character." "So she endured his infedelities and never had a single quarrel with him on this subject. . . . He, in fact, though an extremely kind man by nature, was also very-hot tempered. But my mother knew that an angry husband must not be contradicted, not in deed nor even in word. Only when he had calmed down and become quiet would she, when she saw her opportunity, explain to him the reasons for what she had done, if he had happened to fly into a rage for no good reason." (Book 9 Chapter9)

Later he explains that by her quiet spirit her husband was finally converted.

This past weekend I spent the weekend in upper Washington attending my father's fifth marriage. I sat there remembering my own just two years previous. The wedding were very different. I was married for the first time and plan it to be my first wedding. The bonds and vows of marriage went through my mind a million times before they commited the words into audible vows. Marriage is a commitment between to people to stick with each other no matter what until death parts them. Infedelity is basically the one break in the chain of marriage that is just cause for divorce in my book. The vows of marriage are pointless unless the two making the bond are willing to actively keep their commitments.

As a wife now, I see that I have a lot to work. Augustine's mother was a good example of what a wife should be. She was quiet in spirit.

Peter writes in the Bible exactly what Monica was living.
1Pe 3:1 (1) In the same way, you wives, (2) be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be (3) won without a word by the behavior of their wives,
1Pe 3:2 as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.
1Pe 3:3 (4) Your adornment must not be merely external--braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses;
1Pe 3:4 but let it be (5) the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
1Pe 3:5 For in this way in former times the holy women also, (6) who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands;

Thatt is the example I would like to follow.

Original Sin

Many times in our class and in my professor's book we have talked about "orginal sin."
Chris Anderson says, "The phrase "original sin" is nowhere used in the Genesis stories, nowhere, in fact when you consult the standard concordance for the New Revised Standard Version of the Bible you discover that the phrase is nowhere used in the Old Testament, nowhere, and in fact is nowhere used even in the New Testament, even there" (33).

Augustine in his confessions talks about sin in a baby. He says:
Hear me, God. Alas for man's sin. So says man and you pity him. Who can recall to me the sin I did in my infancy? For in thy sight no one is clean of sin, not even the infant whose life is but one day upon earth...Even in my infancy, therefore, I was doing something that deserved blame, but because I could not understand anyone who blamed me, custom and reason did not allow me to be blamed (23).

I believe that he is saying that he sinned as a baby even though he does not know or remember what those sins are. He believed that a person creates personal sin from the day he is born until the day he dies.

My belief is humans do not sin when they are babies. Babies can not make a conscious decision to act against God, which is what sin is. However, every person is born into sin because we are the offspring of Adam and Eve who sinned in the garden and it is the first sin. They brought sin into the world because of their sin.
Paul says, "Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men because all sinned" (Romans 5:12).
Some call this "federal headship."

The good news as Augustine puts it so elloquently:
But our Life came down to us ans suffered our death and destroyed death by the abundance of His own life.
Augustine's admonition is:
Now that Life has come down to you, will you not raise yourselves and live (83).

Here is Paul's good news:
"But the gift (salvation through Christ) is not like the tresspass. For if the many died by the trespass of the one man, how much more did God's grace and the gift that came by the grace of the one man, Jesus Christ, overflow to the many! Again the gift of God is not like the result of the one man's sin: The judgment followed one many tresspasses and brought justification. For if, by the tresspass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God's abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through one man, Jesus Christ" (Romans 5:15-17).

Ecclesiastes' Pursuit

I was reading Pat Loney's Blog "St. Augustine and Eccleciastes" and I wanted to write more than I commented on and so I chose to make an entry in Blog.
Augustine says:
"He is my good, and in Him I rejoice for all those good things which even as a boy I had. For my sin was in this- that I looked for pleasures, exaltations, truths not in God Himself, but in His creatures (myself the rest), and so I fell straight into sorrows, confusions, and mistakes"(39).
He looked to things instead of to God for his fulfillment and purpose for life instead of letting these things be used by him to fulfill God's purposes in his life.
This is very much like Solomon in Eccleciates who is the king over the prosperous nation of Israel. He has much wealth and wisdom and has taken part of every pleasure imaginable, yet they do not bring him fulfillment.
Augustine says:
"For see, Lord, my King and my God, I would wish everything useful which I learned as a boy to be used in your service--speaking, reading, writing, arithmetic, all" (33).

I think he is saying that all that he has learned has no meaning unless they are used to glorify God and for His purposes.

What was Solomn's final conclusion?
He says, "Of making many books there is no end, and much study wearies the body.
Now all has been heard;
here is the conclusion of the matter:
Fear God and keep his commandments,
For this is the whole duty of man.
For God will bring every deed into judegement,
including every hidden thing,
whether it is good or evil."

In essence everything is vain without God being the core center of life. He is saying that life not centered on God is purposeless and meaningless. I believe that they are saying the same thing. I do not believe either of them are saying that wisdom in and of itself is vain, but that without using it for God's glory it is vain.

Theologian Comic

I was thinking about the comic the other day that was shown in class. It was of a man entering heaven and meeting Peter and the gate into heaven. Peter says something to the effect, 'Theologian. You guys are always interesting." We discussed this comic in class. The discussion lent itself to how when we as humans use high flutent words to sum up our beliefs. We discussed how we need to have humility in what we believe. This reminded me once again of Pastor Richard Wurmbrand. He was a religious prisoner of the Communist Party in Romania. He says something very real about his own theology. He is talking about how he is a pastor and does not even know what he believes because he has taken on this role and does not know if he believes in God or he just role plays as if he believes in God. Being in the prison makes him think quite a bit about his theology. He says:
"I was kept in solitary confinement in this cell for the next two years. I had nothing to read and no writing materials, I had only my thoughts for company, and I was not a meditative man, but a soul that had rarely known quiet. I had God. But had I really lived to serve God or was it simply my profession? People expect pastors to be models of wisdom, purity, love, truthfulness, they cannot always be genuinely so, because they are also men so, in smaller or greater measure, they begin to act the part. As time passes, they can hardly tell how much of their behavior is playacting...Did I believe in God? Now the test had come. I was alone. There was no salary to earn, no golden opinions to consider. God offered me only suffering, would I continue to love Him?"(In God's Underground 45-47)

This reminded me of the comic. I believe the comic is posing the question of whether our theology matches up with our actions. Do we actually walk the the talk of what we believe and hold true. We all, as theiologians, may say what we believe to the whole world, but do live this out in our actions?

This quote from Pastor Wurmbrand reminds me of what my Professor Chris Anderson said today in class alos. He said that this class is all about looking at our believe system and questioning it, evaluating it against what we are learning in this class and then put it back together. That is what I think that Pastor Wurmbrand did here in his autobiography. He stepped back from the role he plays in life and evaluated it and then realized that it was not just a role play. He realized what he role played was what he thought was truth.

Thoughts on Truth

"Nay, it is ten times true; for truth is truth
To th' end of reck'ning.
~Isabella
"Measure for Measure" Act V.i.48-49
Shakespeare

"'What is truth?' Pilate asked."
John 18:38

A few quotes from Teaching as Believing:
"Pluralism is our goal. We must arrive at an understanding that allows us to be open and accepting of a variety of points of view, not complacent or unjust" (157).
"People in the earlier stages tend to see faith in terms of blck and white: I am right and you are wrong, I in possession of the truth and you are goin g to hell. But in the fifth stage, what Fowler calls 'conjunctive faith,' we are open to the possiblity of other interpretations and other religious traditions, realizing that we don't have all the answers and thayt there may be validity of other traditions. And yet 'this position implies no lack of commitment to one's own truth tradition. Nor does it mean a wishy washy neutrality.' Rather, 'conjunctive faith's radical openness to the truth stems precisely from its confidence in the reality mediated by its own tradition and in the awareness that that reality overspills its mediation'" (167-168).

I agree that understanding other people epistomolgy's and accepting people for that epistomology is right. I do however think that of all the belief systems in this world that there is only one that is true. (I am not claiming that I have the one true truth, but I am claiming that not every single belief system is truth.) In fact I believe thaty there is only one truth. Richard Wurmbrand articulates my idea. He is a pastor in Romania who was imprisoned in a Communist prison for 13 years because of his Christianity. He says, "If I look at the cell from my bed I only see the window. If I look from where you're sitting, I see the door. If I look at the floor, the room has no ceiling. Every point of view is in reality a point of blindness, because it it incapacitates you totally from seeing points of view..." (In God's Underground 83).
Even though every point of view is a point of blindness there is still only one truth. Even though I can only see the floor does not mean that there is no ceiling. We may live in a pluralistic society and embrace the differences we all have, it does not eliminate the fact that there is only one truth, whatever that may be.
My last reamining thought is John 14:6. "Jesus said that I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father (God), but by me." I do not see any way around there only being one truth and that is believing that Jesus died for our sins and by believing this it is the only way to God.

Thoughts of Peace

A quote form page 24 about the author helping his son get his blown out truck towed from the highway. "...I was sitting there, too, in the grass by exit 244, beneath some apple trees from an old orchard, waiting for the tow truck. The autumn sun was shining on us. Cars were barreling down the freeway and we watched the faces of the people, how worried and unhappy they looked, like ma a few hours before, when I was so pressed for time. And suddenly I was glad I was there, on the side of the road. There was this peace seeping into me, this slow, gradual feeling of the presence of God.."
Another quote from page 23, "I remember the intellectual joy I felt when I realized that this is the faith of my tradition and that it makes sense, it answers to my experience. It's about my experience, and all experience-it says experience is more important than dogma, more important than systems.

This sense of peace reminds me of one day in my own life. I was at church singing during the singing part of the Sunday worship service and a song I had never seen came up on the screen.
"Make me a channel of Your peace.
Where ther's depair in life, let me bring hope.
Where ther is darkness, only light.
And where there's sadness, ever joy.

Make me a channel of Your peace.
It's pardoning that we are pardoned.
In giving of ourselves that we receive,
And in dying that we're born to eternal life.

Make me a channel of Your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me bring Your love.
Where there is injury, Your pardon, Lord.
And where there is doubt, true faith in You.

Oh, Master, grant that I may never seek
So much to be consoled as to console.
To be understood to understand.
To be loved as to love with all my soul."

You may recognize this as being the Prayer of St. Francis of Asissi. This song changed my life. During the singing of this song I made a pretty big life decision to become a missionary. Right now I am getting prepared to become a missionary by getting my degree. During the singing of this song I felt the total peace of God. I felt as if I was exactly where I was supposed to be in that place in time. This reminds me of St. Clare in Uncle Tom's Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe. The character St. Clare finds this sense of peace too and made me feel that someone understand that feeling too right along side of me. Here is the exerpt:
"St. Clare found a strange calm coming over him. It was not hope-that was impossible; it was not resignation; it was only a calm resting in the present, which seemed so beautiful that he wished to think of no future. It was like that hush of spirit which we feel amid the bright, mild woods of autumn, when the bright hectic flush is on the trees, and the last lingering flowers by the brook; and we joy in it all the more, because we know that soon it will all pass away."

"It's about my experience, and all experience-it says experience is more important than dogma, more important than systems."
Although I think I understand that feeling of joy and peace, I do not understand or maybe agree with this last statement about experience being more important than dogma and systems. I agree with Rich Mullins' when he sings that the creed is making him who he is. I agree. This is the Apotles Creed. My experience means nothing compared to the truth of creeds like this packed full of Scripture. What I am saying is that my experience means nothing in the light of Scripture, without the scipture what I feel or experience does not matter. It has no meaning.

I believe in God the Father
Almighty Maker of Heaven and Maker of Earth
And in Jesus Christ His only begotten Son, our Lord
He was conceived by the Holy Spirit
Born of the virgin Mary
Suffered under Pontius Pilate
He was crucified and dead and buried

Chorus:
And I believe what I believe is what makes me what I am
I did not make it, no it is making me
It is the very truth of God and not the invention of any man

I believe that He who suffered was crucified, buried, and dead
He descended into hell and on the third day, rose again
He ascended into Heaven where He sits at God's mighty right hand
I believe that He's returning
To judge the quick and the dead of the sons of men

Chorus

I believe in God the Father
Almighty Maker of Heaven and Maker of Earth
And in Jesus Christ His only begotten Son, our Lord
I believe in the Holy Spirit
One Holy Church
The communion of Saints
The forgiveness of sin
I believe in the resurrection
I believe in a life that never ends

Hope you enjoyed this song and creed of the founding fathers of the true Christian faith.

Thoughts on Depression

"...those who've been depressed will recognize the basic symptoms underneath-the self-loathing, the despair about the world...But I come to understand, too, that my ways of thinking are also to blame, my striving for success and approval that can never take away the emptiness for long, never save me from death" (83 & 84).

I had a similiar experience in my life. I would got to the shopping mall and see people. I would see not only the people, but the hurt, the shallowness, the futility of their lives, living as though nothing had an eternal value. As if there was no real meaning to this life. Going through the motions of materialism, of gaining more as if the more they had or the more fashionable the clothing they wore had some value. It would make me sad. It not only made me sad it made me depressed. I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders, however, I knew that I was so small that I would never be able to fix the problem, but I still felt that I was the one who was going to fix everything. That I was somehow going to make a difference in this world, but feeling as if I couldn't. This would make me even more depressed. It was more a spiritual issue. Thinking that I was somehow more spiritual than everyone else and that I needed to fix everyones issues. On the other hand I knew that I was a failure in my own life. That I was just as sinful as everyone else in this great big world. I suppose that I was really wanting God to approve of me and feeling that I had to do something "Great" in this world to make Him notice and love me. Not only to love me, but to be satisfied with me.

"Until we give up the illusions of self we've been taught in childhood and carry into our early lives as adults, until we 'decenter the ego' or 'abandon our ego' for the healthy recognitions of maturity, accapting our limitations and morality, we can never be happy, never be whole." "It's when we do give them up that the freedom comes rushing in. We don't have to be the hero, we don't have to make everything in our own image. It's not up to us, blessedly, woderfully. The burden is off our shoulders and we are in the clear, smaller at first but lighter, too, buoyed up" (84).

I know that sense of freedom. I started studying things out and found a great sense of relief. I found a few scriptures in the Bible that I still cling to. Romans 5 starting in verse 8. "But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since now we have been justisfied by His blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through Him!" That is not my exclamation mark, but I exclaim this also. Christ died on the cross for my sins! I was once a sinner separated from God. In fact I was an enemy of God, but Chrit's death on the cross made me a friend of God, a fellow citizen of heaven, I have access to God, I am a daughter. Nothing that I do can change any of that. Just by believing that Christ died for my sins, was buried and rose from the dead I found freedom. I no longer have to do anything to please God because Christ took my place on the cross just like the ram took the place for Isaac. I found freedom in looking past myself to Jesus.

"My striving for success and approval that can never take away the emptiness for long, never save me from death" (84).

Once again I agree. Only Christ's death can save me. I was depressed because I kept striving on my own to please God. I would wonder about my salvation knowing that Christ died for me, but wodering if God was still pleased with me and if I could lose His approval because all of my doubt. But in Romans 5:10 it says, "For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to Him through the death of His Son, how much more having having been reconciled, shall we be saved through His life!" (Once again an exclamation point.) I too exclaim. I was once an enemy of God, but He loved me even then to have His Son die for my sins! Now that I am a beloved daughter will He leave me or fail me? No. Jesus was raised from the dead and is in heaven and is now an advocate between me and God. His death on the cross was a substitutional sacrifice on my behalf. God is pleased with the sacrifice. My striving to please God could never keep that emptiness away. It is through Christ's death and life that I was and am reconciled to God. I no more have to do anything because as the old hymn goes "Jesus paid it all." Now I do not need to be afraid of death and the sadness of feeling like I did not do enough on this earth, the utter depression of striving to make something of myself and failing utterly. I have been given eternal life!
I will leave you with this last thought:
"And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in His Son. He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son does not have life" (I John 5:11).

Thoughts on Biblical Interpretation

A quote from the book on page 28, "There are gaps in the Bible, lots of them. The Bible shows rather than tells, in minimal language, and so stories that we think have one interpretation have many, there's always more than one, and these interpretations come from all the assumptions we make, conscious or unconcious, all the assumptions we've been taught."
I agree that there are many interpretaions to any piece of literature because of the presuppositions every human being brings to the table which includes all of his or her past experiences. On the otherhand I question the reasoning behind this quote on page 58.
"In other words, students need to understand that not all the Bible was intended to be read as histroy in the first place and that those parts that were intended to be read as history were not intended to read as objective but as faith-filled histories, intended and shaped from the start, didactic histories, gospels, good news with all faith in goodness of the news."
I believe that the author is saying that not all of the Bible should be treated as true to life incidents that fit into a bigger picture as the whole of the Bible. What is the reasoning for treating these stories as metaphors? And how does a person know what was the original intent of the Biblical author? To me it seems logical that though there are many interpretations to a text of literature there is only one intended meaning by the original author. This seems to be normative for literature throughout the history of time.

Some of my past and recent education was at a Bible school. In the Bible school I learned about the grammatical-historical hermenuetical way to interpret the Bible. I learned that interpretation of the Bible is more than just what I believe the text is saying or saying to me, but that it is written for a particular people group for a particular time in history. Here is a good explanation of the grammatical-historical interpretional method:

"The aim of grammatical-historical method is to determine the sense required by the laws of grammar and the facts of history;thus, the grammatical sense is the simple, direct, plain, ordinary, and literal sense of the phrases, clauses, and sentences. The historical sense is that sense which is demanded by a careful consideration of the time and circumstances in which the author wrote. It is the specific meaning which an author's words require when the historical context and background are taken into account" (Kaiser, Toward an Exegetical Theology), 88.

Note: "The most fundamental principle in grammatical-historical exposition is that words and sentences can have only one significance in one and the same connection" (Ibid), 88.

For more about this view of Biblical interpretation please go to: http://www.omahabiblechurch.org/institute_spring2002_4.html

Beginning Thoughts

I thought that before I started reading my professor's book, Teaching as Believing: Faith in the University, I would share a few beginning thoughts. It is my understanding that this book was wriiten with the intent to evangelize or as a witnessing tool for Christianity. I also understand that this book is not written with me (a collge student) in mind; however I have strong beliefs about the Bible and what it is intended to be. I believe that the Bible is a historical book written for a certain group of people during a certain time and place. I believe that the Bible gives a holistic picture of what a perfect and holy God had in mind for this world, which includes everyone in the world today. Even with my strong beliefs I am open to hearing others ideas, beliefs, and life experience whether I agree or disagree.