Thoughts on Depression

"...those who've been depressed will recognize the basic symptoms underneath-the self-loathing, the despair about the world...But I come to understand, too, that my ways of thinking are also to blame, my striving for success and approval that can never take away the emptiness for long, never save me from death" (83 & 84).

I had a similiar experience in my life. I would got to the shopping mall and see people. I would see not only the people, but the hurt, the shallowness, the futility of their lives, living as though nothing had an eternal value. As if there was no real meaning to this life. Going through the motions of materialism, of gaining more as if the more they had or the more fashionable the clothing they wore had some value. It would make me sad. It not only made me sad it made me depressed. I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders, however, I knew that I was so small that I would never be able to fix the problem, but I still felt that I was the one who was going to fix everything. That I was somehow going to make a difference in this world, but feeling as if I couldn't. This would make me even more depressed. It was more a spiritual issue. Thinking that I was somehow more spiritual than everyone else and that I needed to fix everyones issues. On the other hand I knew that I was a failure in my own life. That I was just as sinful as everyone else in this great big world. I suppose that I was really wanting God to approve of me and feeling that I had to do something "Great" in this world to make Him notice and love me. Not only to love me, but to be satisfied with me.

"Until we give up the illusions of self we've been taught in childhood and carry into our early lives as adults, until we 'decenter the ego' or 'abandon our ego' for the healthy recognitions of maturity, accapting our limitations and morality, we can never be happy, never be whole." "It's when we do give them up that the freedom comes rushing in. We don't have to be the hero, we don't have to make everything in our own image. It's not up to us, blessedly, woderfully. The burden is off our shoulders and we are in the clear, smaller at first but lighter, too, buoyed up" (84).

I know that sense of freedom. I started studying things out and found a great sense of relief. I found a few scriptures in the Bible that I still cling to. Romans 5 starting in verse 8. "But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since now we have been justisfied by His blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through Him!" That is not my exclamation mark, but I exclaim this also. Christ died on the cross for my sins! I was once a sinner separated from God. In fact I was an enemy of God, but Chrit's death on the cross made me a friend of God, a fellow citizen of heaven, I have access to God, I am a daughter. Nothing that I do can change any of that. Just by believing that Christ died for my sins, was buried and rose from the dead I found freedom. I no longer have to do anything to please God because Christ took my place on the cross just like the ram took the place for Isaac. I found freedom in looking past myself to Jesus.

"My striving for success and approval that can never take away the emptiness for long, never save me from death" (84).

Once again I agree. Only Christ's death can save me. I was depressed because I kept striving on my own to please God. I would wonder about my salvation knowing that Christ died for me, but wodering if God was still pleased with me and if I could lose His approval because all of my doubt. But in Romans 5:10 it says, "For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to Him through the death of His Son, how much more having having been reconciled, shall we be saved through His life!" (Once again an exclamation point.) I too exclaim. I was once an enemy of God, but He loved me even then to have His Son die for my sins! Now that I am a beloved daughter will He leave me or fail me? No. Jesus was raised from the dead and is in heaven and is now an advocate between me and God. His death on the cross was a substitutional sacrifice on my behalf. God is pleased with the sacrifice. My striving to please God could never keep that emptiness away. It is through Christ's death and life that I was and am reconciled to God. I no more have to do anything because as the old hymn goes "Jesus paid it all." Now I do not need to be afraid of death and the sadness of feeling like I did not do enough on this earth, the utter depression of striving to make something of myself and failing utterly. I have been given eternal life!
I will leave you with this last thought:
"And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in His Son. He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son does not have life" (I John 5:11).